(I'm abandoning the idea of the previous post... for now)
There are strange moments of reflection that come about at the wildest times, when you don't expect them to. Washing the dishes, rearranging your closet, out on a jog.
Running, running away from something, from someone, from your home that is like a magnet and draws you back. You start off in good spirits, that this will actually be worth something to your body, and hell, maybe even your mind. Maybe, it will clear out all those things you don't want to think about. Or, maybe they'll come rushing back, because, well, what else is there to do when running than to think. You start out feeling good, realizing the hott guy's garage is wide open and wondering why I hadn't just thought of taking a jog around the neighborhood to see him, instead of going off on wild adventures in my mind of riding a bike which required a lot of work considering the bike was old and needed a new tire that I only just got around to fixing.
...I remembered. I was avoiding him. Yes, someone I don't know, who probably doesn't really know much about me, other than the fact I drive a dark blue corolla, live four houses down from him, and have a tall basketball-playing brother.
Then, you laugh at your silly self... the drama that never panned out into anything at all. the drama that lives in my mind where I live. Where I am the center of the universe and everything revolves around me. What a sad, sad world.
Finally, you reach the point where you think your legs, and mostly your heart are about to give, and slow to a steady walk. How much of life is like this? Sprint, sprint, walk, walk, catch breath, sprint, jog. How would I want to live? A jog? A walk? Definitely not a sprint. Maybe there should be facebook quiz about this. Which pace are you? ...maybe I'd be the only one to take it.
Somewhere along the line, you end up where you started, surprised, but relieved that you made one lap, figuring you could do one more... By now, the hott garage is closed, so you continue, avoiding frogs in the middle of the sidewalk. You think you see a lightning bug, but are in such a good jogging pace, you refuse to slow down and check. then you regret it, and think about going back, but by now you are too far gone, and its no longer worth it. Suddenly, your stomach can't take it, and you walk instead, slower, to the beat of the spice girls. Everything around you looks the same, you look forward and backwards, and are wondering if you actually passed the place you were supposed to turn while caught up in these petty thoughts. You realize your lost, in your own neighborhood... breath gets shorter, life speeds up.
You keep walking until you see a chinese looking man and a lady standing at the edge of the street acting like they are taking a walk together when really you see them searching for something. one of them raises their hand, and you are relieved to see them. when, all the while you were truly doing this to get out of their domain, you welcome it back with open arms, but never let them know.
do we just sorta ricochet off each other, just far enough to reach back?
why do I wonder about these things?